18

Posted on by Prie

I turned eighteen today and there’s a cyclone raging outside. So let’s just jump into it
(The post. Not the cyclone).

(The view from my balcony – wet and gloomy)

Today turned out to be a stark contrast between building expectations and actual reality. I had often dreamt about this day but turns out it wasn’t a big deal. I had major plans from running down the Marine Drive to try to eat something expensive at the mall and watching a movie with my friends while sporting a casual skirt and boots look. Now this may seem like everyday stuff depending on what part of the world you come from but in my world, this is a luxury. Many of us don’t have the time to be aimless even for a day.

All my life I’ve studied but it still wasn’t enough. A year ago, my daily routine comprised of the following –
– Wake up at 6 for school.
– Brush, bathe, eat.
– Leave for school at 6:45 while trying to get some stuff done on the school bus.
– Reach home by 2.
– Eat while watching anything on TV.
– Leave for tuition at 3:30 as I catch up on YouTube with world news and new music videos.
– Reach home by 9:30.
– Watch something for 10 minutes as you eat.
– Try completing some of your school work and tuition work.
– Sleep by 11.
– Repeat.

As awful as it was, some people have had it worse. I did have a few slip ups here and there. So you can imagine how just ‘hanging out at the mall’ had to be carefully planned to match everyone’s routine and even then we couldn’t spend more than two hours together, enjoying life.

(The last day of school)

It was disappointing to find your plans literally wash down the drain because of the cyclone hitting the east coast. Climate change wasn’t the sole reason, some were out of station, touring colleges while others were studying for the next big exam. And don’t get me wrong, they’re good friends. It’s just that they’re waiting for the storm to die down, both figuratively and literally.

A small part of me is actually happy of how the cards were dealt because I get to go back to the basics. I started celebrating birthdays with my friends just 3 years back. Before that, birthdays were a private affair in my family. Partly, because my dad has always travelled for work when I was little and when he finally settled down, he wouldn’t trade me on my special day and partly because it was just cheap that way.

He would pick up a fresh cream cake and some dinner on his way back home. My mother would sing happy birthday as my sister tried to lick some frosting off the cake with her little finger. Finally we would watch TV and eat some naan (bread) and paneer butter masala (cottage cheese). Good times.

(The sugar rush from this helped me write)

Somedays I wish I took some time to pause and breathe. While nothing is changing in front of me right now as I turn 18, everything is changing in the back of my mind. This transition from a kid to an adult is scary for me. Everyone is in a hurry to grow up while I just want to hide in my cocoon where I watch wholesome memes and assume that everything is right in the world (high school changed that, though). As a minor, I thought that I could do nothing to achieve this ideal utopia that I’ve created in my mind. 

Now that I have the power to make decisions and influence democracies, it is all so overwhelming. One wrong turn and I could face some serious consequences. I want to be responsible and make the right choices that’ll benefit me 20 years from now, to understand that my vote counts, that I’m not just a tiny speck in the universe; I am a universe of my own. But I don’t think I’m prepared for the world to lie on my shoulders. I think all I’ll ever be is a dumb kid inside a stupid adult.

And now I wish I could freeze the time at 17.

The Road Ahead

Posted on by Prie

Starting this blog I never thought that I could gain so many daily viewers so fast. And this makes what I’m about to say even more difficult.

After a lot of consideration, I’ve decided to cut back on my number of posts a week. Right now my top priority is getting into a good college and it’s really taxing to produce good and refreshing content on a daily basis while also trying to study for a minimum of 10 hours/day.

I found repeating myself on numerous occasions or just that I’m not able to write about a variety of topics without scraping a few things off of my daily to-do list.

I do love my strangers on the Internet but I know I’ll be fooling both you and me if I kept on going like this. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not running out of content. I have so much to learn and so much to give. But I can’t put anything out without heart for the sake of meeting a deadline.

I will post atleast once a week because I can’t desert this space just when it is taking off. Hopefully, all this will be over by May 26th when I can gain full control of my mind and life.

And maybe I’ll narrate some crazy incidents as I travel across the country for orientation at different universities.

The road ahead is rugged but worth the view.

Good Vibes Only

Posted on by Prie

Another day, another failure. But today I’m not going to whine about how I didn’t get a headstart, how I was born in a different time, blah, blah, blah.

It’s no use crying over spilled milk. What’s done is done. Instead, I’m gonna work on my balance so that I’ll never spill milk again (Okay, that sounded weird).

With all it’s sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it’s still a beautiful world.

Regrets And Redemption

Posted on by Prie

Do you ever have one of those days when you try to figure out where it all went wrong?
For me, today was that day. And yes, I did find the answer to this question, something I knew all along but was too obstinate to acknowledge.

I went from being identified as an introvert to an extrovert to being referred as ‘the girl who used to be popular’. I went from being at the top of my class to a nobody on a national level. Before Grade 9, my ascent used to cancel my descent but after Grade 9, gravity turned out to be bitch.

I won’t deny that I learned and tried many new things during this phase in my life but when my daring side overtook my cautious one, it started to show. I wasn’t at the top of anything anymore. Though major life’s lessons and experiences developed and enhanced then, I do regret going overboard, failing to strike a balance.

-Want to bunk a class today?
-Why one? Let’s do four.

-Wanna hang out at the coffee shop?
-Yes. Let’s do that all day.

-So you just joined Instagram. How’s it going?
-I am never putting my phone down.

-Hey, check this series out. It’s has a couple of seasons so it’ll take you some time to finish it.
-Give me 24 hours and I’ll binge watch it all.

-Dude, check out this hamster eating a burrito.
-2 hours later. This is the last video. I swear. I just have to know 10 weird facts about the Roman Empire.

You get the idea.

I’ve tried to erase as many distractions I could but it takes time to grow out of bad habits. I cannot believe there was a time when I used to study all day long and manage to get 8 hours of sleep. All I do now is fool myself into wasting time thinking that I can study at night.

The answer was simple and clear – Be true to yourself. Identify and admit your mistakes for it takes courage. After that you can make an effort at redemption. And trust me when I say that it’ll be a lot easier once you’ve figured how you got into this mess for if there’s a way in then there’s always a way out.